(I wrote this contract six years ago. It still applies today. Do your best to get complete sign-off by midnight tonight).
There will be a collection of notes for you today from the Magic Marker and crayon stick-figure artists in your life. They will all have a similar tone and they will all be perfect.
Brad Roe/Kare Dehlie Thorstad
I got one that said, Dad. Brad. Rocks.
Dads have a confusing job. If we do this right, our main task is to become, at just the right time, lovingly unnecessary to our sons and daughters. Our teaching time is intense and short, and the joy is the same. If we pass down that ancient knowledge correctly, we work ourselves out of a job and our kids learn how to handle life all on their own, with a few follow-up calls or emails, and then we get to meet them for dinner every few months and hope they are okay in between.
I’m not sure yet what we do then, other than buy oversized golf shirts and wear weird shoes and cheap sunglasses and worry that we passed on all we know and did so with love.
To dads who get up early even when they stayed up late, who travel in planes, rental cars and buses, trying all the while to get home in time for something more important. To the cycling teachers, the beer drinkers, the tear wipers, the hug givers and the driving instructors. To the toast givers, grace sayers, money makers, self-esteem peddlers, strength coaches and advice providers. To the flat fixers, garage cleaners, batting instructors, book readers, Band-Aid appliers and courage creators. To the hand holders, art appreciators and husbands and dads who have a tough job but who do it imperfectly perfect every day. We have something for all of us.
Print this out, sign it and give it to your family by 5:00 p.m. today.
[Because of the job you do, you are officially entitled to two new bikes this year, three-hour rides every Saturday and Sunday, two naps a weekend and a $2,000 revolving credit line every quarter for new kit and weekend bike travel. You can race whenever you feel it is necessary, even if you never win.
You are also allowed to buy two sets of wheels (one for training and one for racing), and you have been given a pass to rent a house in Belgium with five friends so you can all ride the Flanders and Roubaix Sportives and then drink beer after].
(This offer is good for one full year.)
Happy Fathers Day.